Fear of flying and emetophobia – Liz Wilson is a Thrive Programme Coach® based in New
Zealand. She has written this blog to inspire others to get thriving and
overcome whatever phobias or issues are holding them back in life!
Fear of flying and emetophobia– “After doing Thrive a couple of years ago I wanted to start living, my life had got very small and safe after years of avoiding life and risk mitigation. I was born in the UK but have lived my whole life in New Zealand and most of my adult life I had fantasised about going back one day… I say fantasised, because I had a huge fear of flying and was unable to get on a plane without weeks of built up anxiety and being drugged up to the eyeballs for the entire flight to keep me from freaking out. Even when I reached my destination I had daily high levels of anxiety just being away from home, and it was always a highly unpleasant experience on the few short flights and holidays I had ever attempted.
Being trapped inside what – at the time – I saw as a ‘large metal bullet’ with loads of strangers who at any moment could be violently ill (or of course I might be ill myself) was definitely one of my biggest challenges. So after completing The Thrive Programme, my partner and I finally planned the big trip I’d been dreaming of to the UK! I pooled all the skills I had learned doing the programme and made a plan of how I could use all those Thrive exercises through the weeks before the flight and the actual flight itself.
About six weeks before my trip I wrote myself a script, it was as detailed as I could get it, as much positive emotion as I could put in it of how I wanted to be through that whole process (which was of course calm, relaxed and excited). I wrote every step in, from packing my bag to arriving at the airport to boarding the flight and so on, as if I was writing a personal detailed account of my experience for someone else.
Then every single evening for 6 weeks beforehand I would sit in bed at night and put my headphones on and listen to a recording someone had done of being in an airport, boarding a plane, taxiing on the runway, takeoff and then just the low hum of the engines when you are in flight. While listening to this I would go through my script too – it helped me immensely to write it down, it helped me focus more, and in fact after a few weeks I had done it so many times I didn’t even need my script anymore. The idea was to make it as realistic as I possibly could, imagining how I wanted to be and feel through every part of the process, rehearsing being calm and relaxed. I also made sure that whenever I thought about the trip or spoke about it to anyone, I spoke and thought how I wanted to be, not how I was worried I would be. (I never realised how much I created anticipatory anxiety on my previous flights until I did this process… No wonder I was an absolute mess by the time I got into my seat, I was an absolute pro at Coues Law, rehearsing an awful situation possibly hundreds of times a day weeks and even months before a flight!)
When the day came and I actually got to do the process for real I was amazed how different I felt, I still had a few nerves but nothing compared to how I once would have been. I felt confident and actually excited for the first time in my life, and it was actually the first drug-free take off I’d had in years with no crazy racing heartbeat as we took off either! I ate nearly every meal on the plane (this would have been unthinkable before) – the first flight was 18 hours straight so this is where my planning and practicing really paid off.
I had a few small blips and created some anxiety during the flights but it was 80% less than I once would have been – to me that was absolutely incredible, I got off the plane in Heathrow Airport and cried, I was so proud of myself and so elated that I had actually done it! And I knew that with each flight after that I would just get more confident and manage my thinking and emotions better and better.
I had 5 weeks in the UK and I jumped at every challenge I could – I ate out, I ate foods I never would have tried, I stayed with people I didn’t know, I got a tummy bug and managed it really well, went on the underground, met loads of new people, climbed up a tower (which took me 2 attempts) – in fact, I think I got to use every one of my Thrive skills I had learned.
I really realised on my trip that I hadn’t challenged myself enough and built up those emotional coping skills when doing the programme at home on my own, which is why it took me me over a year to really get thriving. I had become a very cautious person who weighed up everything for risk factors, I wouldn’t even wear bare feet on a beach in case I cut my foot… I had no belief I could cope if any of these things happened so I would ‘avoid avoid avoid’, ever increasing my sense of absolute powerlessness. I’m always aware now of setting myself big and little challenges whenever I can, processing each time how well I can cope and getting a new perspective. It takes practice though, there’s no short cuts!
My last flight was a few months ago and it was really bumpy, a few people were even crying out (I’m pretty sure a few airsickness bags got a going over!), and the young girl next to me was crying as it was her first time on a plane. However, I was able to reassure her and to my surprise I laughed each time the plane lurched up and down – what a transformation for me. Thriving has changed my life and I’m so excited for my future now!”
Fear of flying and Emetophobia by Thrive Programme Coach® Liz Wilson
